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国产外流网QB Index, Week 7: HAIKU EDITION! Josh Allen reclaims No. 1 spot; Aaron Rodgers' slide continues

This week, we're breaking away from our normal QB Index formatting to present our ranking of all 32 starting signal-callers in haiku form. Why? Here's a better question: Why not? Let's go.

Be sure to catch this week's surprise bonus episode of the , where Marc and Gregg Rosenthal dig into the Haiku edition of the QB Index.

NOTE: Up/down arrows illustrate movement from the Week 6 QB Index. Rankings reflect each quarterback's standing heading into Week 7.

Rank
1
1
Josh Allen
Buffalo Bills · Year 5

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.9 pct | 1,980 pass yds | 8.3 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 257 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 5 fumbles


Arching over a

Kansas City defender

Into full wonder

Rank
2
1
Patrick Mahomes
Kansas City Chiefs · Year 6

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.9 pct | 1,736 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 113 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


If only my side

Wasn鈥檛 penalized

Rank
3
1
Jalen Hurts
Philadelphia Eagles · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.8 pct | 1,514 pass yds | 8.2 ypa | 6 pass TD | 2 INT | 293 rush yds | 6 rush TD | 3 fumbles


They built a statue

. Four months away from 

A Jalen carving?

Rank
4
1
Lamar Jackson
Baltimore Ravens · Year 5

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.9 pct | 1,277 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 13 pass TD | 6 INT | 451 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Betwixt the G-Men

I rumbled and roamed until

Thibodeaux thundered

Rank
5
Justin Herbert
Los Angeles Chargers · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.1 pct | 1,716 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 10 pass TD | 3 INT | 26 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Human tornado

Trapped inside hyper-milquetoast 

Bolts offensive scheme

Rank
6
Tom Brady
Tampa Bay Buccaneers · Year 23

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,652 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 1 INT | -7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Brady on edge. Red

Faced inside a drab field goal

Offense. Can鈥檛 blame Bruce

Rank
7
1
Geno Smith
Seattle Seahawks · Year 10

2022 stats: 6 games | 73.4 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 8 ypa | 9 pass TD | 2 INT |125 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


The author of this 

Column giggled at me in 

August. Now he鈥檚 hushed

Rank
8
1
Joe Burrow
Cincinnati Bengals · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.7 pct | 1,616 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 12 pass TD | 5 INT | 110 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles


When Joe and Ja'Marr

Flip the switch, Bengals vibe as

AFC heavies

Rank
9
2
Aaron Rodgers
Green Bay Packers · Year 18

2022 stats: 6 games | 67 pct | 1,403 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 9 pass TD | 3 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 5 fumbles


Agitated. Peeved.

Wait, is that New York Jets guy

Wearing a cheesehead?

Rank
10
NR
Tua Tagovailoa
Miami Dolphins · Year 3

2022 stats: 4 games | 69.6 pct | 1,035 pass yds | 9 ypa | 8 pass TD | 3 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Back at the controls

Tua, Waddle and Cheetah

Aim to end Fins鈥 fall

Rank
11
1
Kirk Cousins
Minnesota Vikings · Year 11

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.2 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 6.6 ypa | 9 pass TD | 5 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


His name: Mr. Tease

White-hot quarters mixed with long

Stretches of deep sleep

Rank
12
1
Kyler Murray
Arizona Cardinals · Year 4

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.1 pct | 1,463 pass yds | 5.8 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 233 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles


鈥淩ookie year, that is

probably the last time [bad

word] has felt this hard

Rank
13
Ryan Tannehill
Tennessee Titans · Year 11

2022 stats: 5 games | 65.1 pct | 965 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 3 INT | 23 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


For those thinking he鈥檇 

Be bounced by now for Malik 

Willis: Tanny lives!

Rank
14
Derek Carr
Las Vegas Raiders · Year 9

2022 stats: 5 games | 61.4 pct | 1,279 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 4 INT | 69 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Earthlings: Prepare for

Run-heavy uprising with

Carr at motherboard

Rank
15
3
Matthew Stafford
Los Angeles Rams · Year 14

2022 stats: 6 games | 71.1 pct | 1,576 pass yds | 7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 8 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles


AT&T ads

Should be fewer. Pick-sixes

Should be fewer, too

Rank
16
4
Jimmy Garoppolo
San Francisco 49ers · Year 9

2022 stats: 5 games | 63.5 pct | 1,153 pass yds | 7.8 ypa | 7 pass TD | 3 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Pick-free Jimmy G

Turns San Fran spicy. Pick-full

Jim sings songs of doom

Rank
17
2
Jared Goff
Detroit Lions · Year 7

2022 stats: 5 games | 59.7 pct | 1,355 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 11 pass TD | 4 INT | 23 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Oft-adequate Goff

Lucky there are not thirty

Other

Rank
18
1
Daniel Jones
New York Giants · Year 4

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.3 pct | 1,021 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 5 pass TD | 2 INT | 236 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Operating as

A Saquon Handoff Robot 

Who does just enough

Rank
19
3
Marcus Mariota
Atlanta Falcons · Year 8

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.3 pct | 1,055 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 206 rush yds | 3 rush TD | 7 fumbles


I flung a TD

To Kyle Pitts. Time to chill

Fantasy nimrods

Rank
20
3
Andy Dalton
New Orleans Saints · Year 12

2022 stats: 3 games | 63.1 pct | 585 pass yds | 7 ypa | 3 pass TD | 1 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Glowing Red Ginger

Man: Basic skillz, achy back.

Attention: Taysom

Rank
21
3
Trevor Lawrence
Jacksonville Jaguars · Year 2

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.5 pct | 1,397 pass yds | 6.9 ypa | 9 pass TD | 4 INT | 81 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles


Is there a franchise 

Hero beyond the flowing

Locks and hot/cold act?

Rank
22
5
Russell Wilson
Denver Broncos · Year 11

2022 stats: 6 games | 58.6 pct | 1,442 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 96 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


Fifteen depressing

is not

What Denver paid for

Rank
23
2
Matt Ryan
Indianapolis Colts · Year 15

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,765 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 7 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 11 fumbles


Sad autumn brighter

After Matty Ice hurls a

Wild fifty-eight throws

Rank
24
8
Carson Wentz
Washington Commanders · Year 7

2022 stats: 6 games | 62.1 pct | 1,489 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 10 pass TD | 6 INT | 79 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 6 fumbles


Bum digit delays

Wentz quest to, you know, really 

Start to take command

Rank
25
2
Kenny Pickett
Pittsburgh Steelers · Rookie

2022 stats: 3 games | 66.3 pct | 514 pass yds | 6.2 ypa | 1 pass TD | 4 INT | 41 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 1 fumble


Mitchell zinged the Bucs

But Kenny鈥檚 tape tells tales of 

Hope when not concussed

Rank
26
6
Jacoby Brissett
Cleveland Browns · Year 7

2022 stats: 6 games | 60.2 pct | 1,326 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 6 pass TD | 5 INT | 112 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Jacoby passes

Forty-five times. Chubb carries

Twelve. Pats explode Browns

Rank
27
1
Zach Wilson
New York Jets · Year 2

2022 stats: 3 games | 56 pct | 572 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 1 pass TD | 2 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 0 fumbles


The boy who will lead

The Baby Jets to playoff

Glory come winter

Rank
28
Bailey Zappe
New England Patriots · Rookie

2022 stats: 3 games | 72.9 pct | 596 pass yds | 8.5 ypa | 4 pass TD | 1 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Belichickian

Wonderboy laughs at inane

And lost Browns defense

Rank
29
Justin Fields
Chicago Bears · Year 2

2022 stats: 6 games | 54.8 pct | 869 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 4 pass TD | 5 INT | 282 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 7 fumbles


If you squint, you鈥檒l see

Beauty between chapters of

Chicago tumult

Rank
30
9
Cooper Rush
Dallas Cowboys · Year 6

2022 stats: 6 games | 57.7 pct | 1,020 pass yds | 6.5 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 6 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Time for Jerrah to 

Leave a suitcase full of green

Bills in my locker

Rank
31
1
Davis Mills
Houston Texans · Year 2

2022 stats: 5 games | 62.7 pct | 1,048 pass yds | 6.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 4 INT | 2 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles


Mills鈥 big audition

Falling flat. Caserio鈥檚

Wandering eye glows

Rank
32
NR
P.J. Walker
Carolina Panthers · Year 3

2022 stats: 2 games | 68.2 pct | 120 pass yds | 5.4 ypa | 0 pass TD | 0 INT | -1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 0 fumbles


Gnarliest job in

Charlotte. Will Walker be stripped

Of McCaffrey, too?

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